LAST LETTER-PART 2

Cos I'm, T.N.T. I'm Dynamite, T.N.T. And I'll win the fight , HUHHHHHH! I was still alive. It was my mobile which was ringing. DAMN IT, I forgot to turn it off. Nothing is perfect I thought. Inspite of working on the minutest details for tonight, at the very last minute I forgot to turn it off. I felt something weird, not knowing what it was. I tried to move my head, GOSH it hurts. My arms were pale green now, although they did move when I tried to reach over to my irritating mobile phone. What were the chances of being called the very minute you were so close to leaving this mortal life. Frankly speaking I didn’t expect it to be so slow. It should’ve been over by now, why am I still alive? My bedsheet was soaked red by now; blood was thicker than I thought. It wasn’t sticky; it felt as if there was a gelatinous cover over the cloth and obviously my arms. My wrists were not oozing out blood anymore or wait they were but at a snail’s pace let me tell you. Maybe the brain is cleverer than we all think, has the brain stopped the flow to my wrists knowing they’re slit open? Well human body has been the most complex thing by far, arguably off course. I saw the flashing screen, an unknown number. Who will be calling me at such hour, should I even care to receive it? I wanted my last moments to myself and not to some random person, I thought. The ringing stopped.

The phone rang again, this time I picked it up. “Hello”, I said. “Hi”, OMG it was her. Why was she calling me now? Why? “Don’t hang up, please talk to me”, she said. Why the hell should I do that? I gave you all the chances in this world but all I got was straight faces. Proved myself over and over again, you of all the people should’ve understood me, been there by my side. That was long time back, I even forgot you by now. Today’s decision had nothing to do with you, but then why after such a long time do I get to hear back from you. “Are you still there? please say something”, she said. “It’s okay”, I said and hung up on her. This was the first time I hung up on someone close, so close. Am will sure be my last time too, looking at my wrists. This was not working the way I wanted it, I tried to stand and shockingly enough I did manage the strength to stand up. It’s been over half an hour, I was still alive and standing.

I decided to do something which was not a part of the plan, to make it quicker. I walked few steps to see if I can walk, I could. My left arm was numb, not reacting at all. I did think of jumping off our terrace too, but going into the open made me drop that plan. It was too late for anyone to notice me, so maybe it would be perfect to go and jump. I moved towards the door, unlatching it never took so much of energy, this made me realize how weak and near dead I was. Every step towards the stairs was filled with pain, I felt like crying but since I promised myself not to, I didn’t. Each step took my breath away, gasping for air at every inch. I wrists were still bleeding; the staircase had blood all over it by now, as I looked back. As I opened the door to terrace, I felt the cold breeze brush my face, it was heavenly. I walked towards the railing, never had anyone thought of such an action in my family coz the railing was too small to obscure anyone from doing so. I stood up on the railing and facing opposite to the side I was supposed to fall, I read it somewhere that chances of death increase if you jump with your back facing downwards, this way your hands will not involuntarily be an hindrance. I closed my eyes for my final thoughts.

I saw her, with that pretty smile. She was the most beautiful girl I ever met. I saw my brother. I saw my dad, when he hugged me after my high school best student award. Then I saw my mother, crying her eyes out over my body. I opened my eyes, I didn’t notice but a tear slipped through my eyes, and then another. Then before I knew I was crying, standing on that railing. I can’t leave my mom, ever. Then a strong breeze blew me off balance and I slipped from the roof, I could feel falling faster than anything ever. But I didn’t want to, I wanted to shout “stop, stop. No, I don’t want to die anymore” but the words didn’t escape my lips.